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RELAX.
 Tabasco®--the small  company with the big reputation--has plenty of gifts have a nice selection of golf apparel for all your golfing gift needs (or is that golf gifting needs?) at the Tabasco® Country Store.They have a rotating selection of Tabasco® logo bags, jackets, hats and shirts to keep you looking good on and off the course (and as a matter of fact, they do have XXL sizes).
 Just had a Guinness® and now craving a smoke? This beautiful Guinness® Zippo® lighter (the word lighter isn't trademarked... yet) will be the perfect lighting instrument. Better for your cancer sticks than your cigars (matches are best you know) but it will light either one... maybe even pipes and houses, but we're not sure.
 It's everyone's favorite freakin' ladies man from Aqua Teen Hunger Force on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. Behold Carl in tee-shirt form, although we don't think he'd wear anything but a wifebeater or maybe an old Zeppelin concert shirt.
 It's our favorite ball of chopped steak, Meatwad in plush, action figure or air freshener form! Hang him from your rear-view... Meatwad gets the honey's, see? Drive in your car and live like a star.
 If you live in a trailer park, this is the perfect safe for you. The Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer Can Diversion Safe can be left right on the floor of your double-wide along with the rest of the empty beer cans and hide your valuables... if you have any.
 It's not just a lamp: "It's a major award!" A 3-way switch allows the sexy fishnet-stockinged leg base to glow independently of the lamp top; the shade is fringed just like in the movie A Christmas Story. We think Ralphie's dad was onto something... it definitely belongs dead center in the living room window. Available in a small $50 version and a full sized $200 version.
 If the leg lamp isn't tacky enough for you, Hilo Hattie sells a Iolani Vintage Hula Lamp. It has a floral lamp shade with fringed skirt and is a fun collectible gift. And if the lamp is a bit too much, go for the Dashboard Hula Doll.
 "I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us." It's the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man! Nice thinking Ray.
 Hoser's unite! Number one in our Top Ten Drinkinest Movies of All Time, Bob and Doug McKenzie's Strange Brew is available on DVD (and on something called "videotape"). If you have never seen this movie, Bob and Doug are the Cheech and Chong of beer, so the plot involves their attempt to scam a free case of Elsinore beer from the brewery, which is run by mad scientist Brewmeister Smith who, like all mad scientists, wants to rule the world.
 Speaking fine, fine, fine movies... we shouldn't have to even point this out, but even if someone has seen Caddyshack 1000 times already, they will still appreciate this low-brow classic in their stocking. Long live Rodney Dangerfield.
 From the producers of Topless Golf comes Topless Golf 2! Join the topless ladies for another round of golf, this time on a course near Phoenix, Arizona.  We're not sure yet how this one slipped past the Amazon censors, but get it while you can!
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Click here to see breasts shirt enlarged. |
In 2003 we featured the cool and collectible Playboy "covers" shirt (modeled by Hef himself). It was largely due to our efforts that this shirt SOLD OUT! Can you believe that?! Now, Hef's new favorite is the Camp Covers Shirt 2nd Edition. Twenty of the most memorable covers in the history of Playboy comprise the 2nd-edition pattern; the buttons are inset with black Rabbit Heads. Order yours today! The Covers Camp Shirt, 2nd Edition .
Be the talk of the bar in our fashionable Brian's Belly Beer Can Shirt made of 100% preshrunk cotton. The white shirt has our beautiful "100% Alcoholic" beer can on the back and label on the front for $14.99 (click here to see 'Alcoholic' shirt). See below for jest a few shirts from our complete textiles line. The perfect gift for guys named Brian. Support the site! Purchase now!
 Here's something I actually invented, but only in my head. I was driving across country a few years ago, and after 20 days (with 20 more to go) my hot, stinky car seat wasn't getting along with my hot, sweaty ass. Enter the SummerSeat, a portable seat cooler. Simply plug it into your cigarette lighter and enjoy a cool breeze coming through the ventilated seat cushion and up your butt. Swamp ass is a thing of the past... hey, that's catchy. Maybe since they stole my idea, I can still trademark the slogan.
 Homer and  Marge Simpson all decked out for Christmas. Papa Homer stands 12 inches tall and carry's a bag of coal while Mamma Marge gets it up to 14 inches with her big christmas cap and long, sexy-sweet, candy-caned gams. Need more Simpsons? Check out the Brian's Belly Simpsons store.
 We love when we find stuff based on Brian's Belly Heavyweight Hall of Fame members. Check out this figurine of our honoree Andre the Giant. It is life size (if Andre were 12 inches tall) and unlike the real Andre, it is fully articulate. Buy this now, I really mean it. Anybody want a peanut?
Brian's Belly Heavyweight Hall of Fame inductees are also hot in the publishing world as they make a few bucks on their attitudes towards love, life, food and beer:
 And Hall of Famer Kevin James is also a great stocking stuffer this year... although it has to be a pretty big stocking. The first few seasons of The King of Queens are available on DVD with "behind the scenes" extras that you just can't get watching our boy in syndication.
 My good buddy Ted Alexandro is still promoting a CD and DVD of his sold-out stand-up performance at Flushing Town Hall in Queens, NY, titled Ted Alexandro: As Much As You Want. You may have seen some of Ted's routine on David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Jay Leno, Carson Daly, Jimmy Kimmel, Tough Crowd, Shorties Watchin' Shorties or a half a dozen other shows on Comedy Central throught the years. You can purchase the CD or the DVD at Amazon or even through iTunes, but honestly Ted gets a bigger cut if you get it directly from his web site at tedalexandro.com. And here's a fun fact: I produced and directed the whole she-bang (that's right, I do more than run this crappy website).
(Gift Guide continues on next page)
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