| Coors Twins Not Really Twins! |
Wednesday, May 26th, 2004. at 02:09 AM
You've been seeing ads for Coors Light with the two young blonde bombshells for a few years now. Diane and Elaine Klimaszewski have been the object of many a young beer drinker's sudsy fantasies; and in spite of my well known disdain for the beer, the twins hit the spot for me.
But what had me befuddled is their age. Back in November, 2002 I read an article in Maxim about the twins--OK, I was really looking at the pictures--but there were some word-thingies on the same page that said they were 26 years old. "Oh, too bad," I thought to myself, as if I had a chance in hell to sleep with them, "they're too young for me." I often think like that because at age 34 I am uniquely undesirable (and invisible) to women in their mid-twenties.
Recently again (in print) I saw the un-aging twins referred to as 26 years old. So imagine my excitement when a visitor to Brian's Belly--let's call her Deep Throat, because that makes me chuckle--informed me that she went to Leicester High School in Worcester, Massachusetts with Diane and Elaine and that they are currently 32 and will be 33 on September 13. It turns out that the dynamic duo of brew are only about two years younger than me, not the eight or so that I thought only last month.
 So I can accept that--girls will fib about their age. But the web of lies unraveled further as my confidant with an axe to grind continues... they're not really twins! "They have different noses" says Deep Throat, "and Elaine got her finger crushed in a door once and it's all screwed up... also Diane is like 8 minutes older than Elaine." It turns out they're not even the same height... at 5'2" Diane is a full inch taller!
So their anonymous schoolmate has got my head reeling. Coors "twins?" I think not... not when they are vastly different in height and finger proportions. I'm not sure if I'll be able to look at the similar sisters the same way again... you know--with my drunken, glazed-over eyes. It may require a lot of beer to get over this.
Posted by
Dave, (11)
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